Well Aren't You Just Whelming, Golding
by Neon Pendulum
Summary: Wally won't read Lord of the Flies and Rob's desperate to make him read it. Just one teeny paragraph, that's all. Contains arguing of the English language.


Summary: Wally won't read Lord of the Flies and Rob's desperate to make him read it. Just one teeny paragraph, that's all. Contains arguing of the English language. 

ooo 

It had been a running argument between the duo for several weeks now. At first it was annoying to the other team members, but then it became worrisome. 

One day Wally said that Robin's words weren't real because they haven't been published in books or in a dictionary. The next day Robin shoved a laptop in his face and Wally's snarky reply had been, "Dude, an Urban Dictionary definition made by you isn't valid." After the Boy Wonder had stalked off, Wally called after him, "And a Wiki page doesn't count either!" 

Another time one of their arguments ended with Wally yelling to Robin, "You obviously don't know that 'chalant', 'whelm', and 'aster' aren't words. After all, English isn't even your first language!" That had struck a chord to the both of them and they didn't talk for days until Batman had forced Wally to apologize and to make up. Now that had been odd. Occasions like those had kept escalating until the team though they would never stop this stupid argument. Luckily it had simmered down. 

oo 

It was a quiet day at Mount Justice; Batman hadn't given the team an assignment and they had all finished training with Black Canary. Everyone was off by themselves, or in Megan and Superboy's case, off together. Wally sat on the couch, Robin's laptop beside him and a stapled packet of paper on his lap. He wrote quickly, every so often reading what was on the screen. Robin came up behind him and swiftly leaped over the couch, beside his friend. 

"Hey Wally, whatcha up to?" Robin asked, peering at Wally's papers. Wally shut the laptop, apparently finished with it for the moment. He continued to write. 

"Hey Rob, not much. It's just something I have to fill out for English on Monday."

"Hmm," Robin said, feigning interest, hinting that he had a secret. Wally grunted in response.

"So, Lord of the Flies?" Robin asked. Wally looked up in surprise. 

"How'd you know?" 

"Duh, dude, standard curriculum. We finished reading it the other day." 

"No offense, Rob, but you're not quite a sophomore. No way you've read it for school." Wally, seemingly dismissing the idea, continued to write down the answers for his homework. 

"Uh, no offense Wally, but I'm a freshman, remember? And private schools tend to be a year ahead of public schools," Robin countered. Wally rolled his eyes in response, he wasn't going to argue; he had work to do. Not to mention that the way they had been arguing lately, Wally knew that Rob's cheerful tone meant bad news for him. 

"Anyway, what chapter are you on?" Robin practically sang. Wally stopped writing and laughed in an exaggerated manner, like he couldn't believe what Dick had just said.

"Rob, man, I'm not on any chapter. No one actually reads the books that are assigned in English!" Wally laughed. "Except maybe you and your private school pricks. Why bother reading when you can just SparkNote it? It sums up the chapters and gives you the answers for the themes, foreshadowing, and other crap English teachers want." Rob gaped at Wally in shock.

"What? You mean you've never read any of those books? More importantly, you're not going to read The Lord of the Flies?" Dick asked in disbelief.

"Of course not. And I don't see why you're so mad in the first place. It's about kids that get stranded on an island and then become savages. Who cares?"

"I care! I mean, come on! Just read the beginning of chapter four! Get out your book," Rob ordered.

"I don't have it. Left it in my locker probably." Rob groaned,

"Fine. Just read it soon. I don't care about the rest of the book, just chapter four." Rob stood up and left. Wally hoped that would be the last time Robin mentioned reading that stupid book. 

oooo 

Unfortunately, it wasn't. A few days later, when Wally was watching TV alone, Robin came in again, flopped over the couch again, and asked whether Wally had read the beginning of chapter four. As expected, he had not. Frustrated, Rob took out a copy of Lord of the Flies, seeing as there was no way Wally would ever read it otherwise. He turned to the right page and shoved it in Wally's face. 

"Read it," Rob ordered. Wally frowned at the wall of text and pushed it out of the way, keeping his eyes on the screen. 

"Jeez, dude. What's up with you and this book?" he asked. 

"Just read it," Rob ordered again. 

"Dude, books are boring. And knowing you, there's some ulterior motive behind all of this which I don't want to be a part of unless I'm in on the plan in the first place." 

"Wally, please, just read it?" Rob asked, and Wally knew that behind those shades his best friend was pulling an adorable puppy face. Damn, he could never resist those. His friend tipped the shades off a bit and showed his wide eyes. Wally groaned, switched off the TV, and snatched the book, proceeding to read it.

_The first rhythm that they became used to was the slow swing from dawn to quick dusk. They accepted the pleasures of morning, the bright sun, the whelming sea and sweet air, as a time when play was good and life so full that hope was not necessary and therefore forgotten._

Wally's face quickly became bored, and then his eyes widened and he began to glare at the book. He stopped reading and threw it behind him, after which Robin cackled. 

"Shut up!" Wally yelled, turning to Robin. "Just because it's in there doesn't make it a real word!" Robin continued to laugh. 

"Of course it does! Just face it KF, you've lost. Even renowned authors take prefixes off of words! Now accept their validity!" 

"Renowned my ass! I've never heard of him before this assignment. He's just a crackpot like you, screwing with the English language." Dick grinned and continued to be unfazed, for he knew that he had his friend beat. 

"Ah Wally, let the word roll off your tongue, _whelming_." Wally sighed, unable to come up with an argument. He groaned and knew he shouldn't have read it. He was never going to read another English book again, than SparkNotes. 

"Fine. I'll agree that _whelming_ is a word. But there isn't any proof of any of those other words, so they don't count," Wally finished it with a 'hmph' and crossed his arms. 

"Ah, but Wally, I'm not the only one who uses my amazing vocabulary!" 

"Teaching Supes those words doesn't count. Dude, in his mind he's two. He doesn't know they aren't proper words. Miss M and Kal don't count either; they don't know the language of the Earth-surface dwellers." Dick snickered once more. Man, Wally was getting sick of his laugh; it always boded ill news, mainly for him. 

"What about Zatanna? She even used 'chalant' before I did. And she's a surface-dwelling human." Wally rolled his eyes. 

"She's a magician and you know how they make up words-" Robin opened his mouth to inject something, but Wally quickly stopped him. "-and before we get into the whole magic conversation, let's leave it at that. Please. Besides, you're only using 'chalant' now because you like her." It was now Wally's turn to laugh at that last part and he waggled his eyebrows at the now red-faced boy. Ah, how nice it was for the tables to turn. 

"Hey, if we're going to bring couples into this, why don't we go over how close you and Artemis are? You two even fight like a married couple!" 

"DUDE! Well why don't I mention how flirtatious you and Zatanna were. You were practically _begging_ Zatara to let her join the team!" 

"With her powers she'd be an advantage to the team!" Wally snorted, 

"You and I both know that's not your only reason." 

"What's that supposed to mean? Must I mention how flirty you and Artemis were in Biyala? You two were practically on top of each other." There was a loud throat clearing cough behind the couch. The duo turned. 

"If you two are done arguing the English language and pronouncing your love interests to the entire mountain," Wally and Dick nearly protested, if it weren't for the stern glare sent their way. "I will be debriefing the mission in four minutes. Don't be late." And with that, Batman turned and left, his cape swishing behind him.

"Bats seems kinda mad," Wally piped up a minute after The Caped Crusader had left.

"Agreed. No more English arguments?"

"No more."

"...Besides, Bats would totally side with me, and you can't argue against Bats."

"What?" Wally asked. "Puh-lease, he's such a stick in the mud. He of all people should know that you can't butcher language like that. He'd side with me."

"Really? Well, I bet Flash would side with me. You know how he's all for creativity and new ideas. He'd be ashamed of your stickler attitude."

"Uh, Rob, he's a forensic scientist. I think he'd agree with me that you can't just change the rules. Otherwise things go boom, and not in the controlled experiment kind of way."

"How much do you want to bet Speedy will agree that my words are real?"

"Twenty. His pissed off attitude wouldn't allow changes and your subtraction of prefixes and suffixes would probably confuse him." 

Robin pulled out his cell.

"Want to double that bet?"

"You're on." 

Dick and Wally were late to the meeting. 

ooo 

A/N: Cause Dick and Wally totally still call Roy Speedy when he's not around or in earshot. *Because of their BFFness* Plus that was a craptastic abrupt ending, but that's how I wanted to end it.  
>Don't own, don't care. Quote directly from Lord of the Flies by William Golding.<p> 


End file.
